There is a rise in domestic violence and it’s more painful when you decide to stay because of the kids. What exactly are you teaching them? Do you realise the psychological and emotional effect the constant violence they witness have on them?
Every life matters but when you are constantly traumatized and you face physical abuse, it is better to leave, don’t wait for your abuser to change. Truth is nothing justifies Assault and battery. Domestic violence is not gender based but I would want to focus on women. Women should stop enduring DV. There is no accolade for being an endurer of domestic violence.
I understand the stigma attached to being a divorced or single parent especially as a woman but that is not enough to stay where you are no longer accepted or tolerated. Most women have lost their lives as a result of the shame of speaking out. They try to hide their pain and wallow in self pity, denial and shame. I understand their are unfavourable factors that they might want to deal with which is why some prefer to endure abuse and live in denial.
I will like to mention but a few.
1. Parental Rules.
Parents should learn to accept their kids who have the courage to walk out of ill relationships. They should welcome them and make them feel at home. Some parents have lost their child because they don’t want to be associated with a daughter who walked out of a relationship not minding the grievance of what she passed through. They stigmatize her and give unrealistic advice with expectation that the abuser will change. They try to avoid whatever will according to them, tarnish their image or reputation amongst friends, colleagues and the society.
2. Religious doctrine
Christianity tells you that marriage is for better for worse and as such you are to endure and back your abuser in prayers. Your are to pray and fast for him to change. How do you achieve that? How do you remain where you are constantly being beaten, inflected with physical injuries, you are mentally drained and emotionally broken? Just How? You are reminded that God hates divorce and for you not to offend God you just have to look for a way round the situation but walking away is certainly not one of those choices.
The society already has a title for you as a woman who was once married and they try to pull you down with either their words or attitude. They act like a reminder to your previous status and some even try to stigmatise you especially when a child(ren) are involved.You’re most likely not to be given a fair judgement as they analyse and conclude on how, why and when you become a single parent or divorced woman.
Yes you, you already have conditioned yourself to be too dependent on your abuser that you fear what the future holds outside that relationship. You prefer to take the insults for the fear of starting life afresh. You endure all his abuse because you feel that is the only way to gain respect. You have so built your world around him that you just don’t want to see beyond the abuse. You are scared of what your fellow married women would say and you don’t want to be mocked. I quite understand but the truth is not every one who walks out of an abusive relationship alive. Think about it.
5. The children
Most women who died in The hands of their abusive partner stayed backed because of their children. They were more concerned about the welfare of their kids but never really understood that theses kids are accumulating and assimilating negative notions of how a family should live. You stay back for your children but have your asked what exactly are they learning in such a Commotinal environment? The bitter truth about staying in such a relationship is that when you die, these kids if not grown up will be told a different story about you. They will be lied them and you might be painted black. You stay and die for the children but their live goes on.
Finally i am not advocating for you to leave a happy home but all i am saying is when domestic violence becomes a norm in your relationship please leave to live. Make your happiness and wellbeing your priority and walk out with confidence.
Remember that a life worth living is worth living well and marriage void of abuse of any sort is best enjoyed and appreciated.
Also never forget that only they living can tell her story.