In my opinion, there is a very big difference between a boyfriend and a husband – many of which circle devotion, commitment, and understanding.
The two are not interchangeable at all. If they were the same, what would be there to look forward to in marriage?
Do not get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with loving your boyfriend and giving him a measure of commitment. Actually, the caring-for-him part is what makes the relationship fun for the woman as care-giving comes naturally to her. The problem comes when you give him all the benefits of having a wife with none of the commitment.
In fact, the root of many problems in dating stem from the fact that most girls go beyond the call of duty of a girlfriend. Doing for your boyfriends, what a wife does for her husband, is not okay. If a man wants all of you and wants you to do more than a girlfriend does for her boyfriend, then he needs to put a ring on it. Until there is a ring on your finger, you should never treat him as though he is your husband.
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Treating a man as though he is already a husband, with the intent of getting him to marry you, often backfires. Usually, he takes you for granted or walks all over you. Even if you go to his mother and learn how to make their village meals or you decide to not just indulge all his sexual desires but also hang your ovaries on his wall so he will know you can do anything for him, you will be disappointed to learn how easily and quickly he can leave the relationship without batting an eye.
Slow down, leave a little mystery, close your legs and set physical boundaries, have your own life, go after your dreams! Do not behave as though you cannot exist without a man. Let the courtship happen naturally, and you will be alright.
Please, I’m not setting rules for anyone on how involved they can be at each stage of their relationship; you may need to use your intuition on that. Key thing to remember though is that do not force commitment in your relationship by playing wife. If he does not want to play husband, you definitely should not play wife. And to add to it, no double standards either. Lower your expectations.
Do not expect him to take up the duties of a husband before marriage; taking care of you physically, emotionally and most of all, financially, just as though he were your husband. You have your father, brother and family members to “settle” you.
The expectation of wanting a man to prove himself worthy of becoming a husband will even keep you from getting to know him for who he really is, as you only get to see what he can do for you, without enjoying his essence. Again, if he starts to feel like you depend on him for everything, he may start to take you for granted as well.
It works both ways really…or what do you think? Have you ever fallen into the temptation of playing wife in order to get the ring? How did it turn out?
