There are a lot of things that I love about my country, Nigeria. I love the people, the food, the parties, the music and so much more. It is for this reason that when I landed in Murtala Muhammed airport last month after being away in the UK for six years, I had a huge smile on my face because even with all the issues we have in this country, there really is no place like home.
However, within the time that I have been here, I have found myyself either having to tolerate or to educate people on what I believe should be common sense: Sexual Assault
Over the last couple of months, the Westerm media has been filled with reports iof men in power who have been accussed of some form of sexual assault. If you type ‘sexual assault’ into the Google search box, you will see new cases of men who are alleged to have abused their influence on women and in some cases, other men too.
Social media has been filled with conversations about sexual assault and sexual harrassment more than ever before and while I am glad that these issues are being brough to light, a lot of the stories that I have heard has left me feeling completely sick to my stomach.
For the purpose of this piece, I believe It is important to define what sexual assault is. According to Wikipedia, “sexual assault is a sexual act in which a person is coerced or physiclally forced to engage against their will. It is also defined as non-consensual touching of a person.” Now, I had had a conversation with a lot of the women in my life and I can tell you that based on this definition, majority of them have been sexually assaulted. If these are just the women in my circle, then imagine how many women out there are going through the same thing every single day, particularly in this country.
For a lot of men in this country, I believe that our cultural and religious values have left them with a sense of entitlement. I think that because our culture and religions teach us that we should respect the men, they automatically believe that women are property. It is important to note that not all men feel this way as there are some men in the country who agree with my sentiments. However, this is a problem that has largely been caused by the society in which we live in. This is not to say that our cultural or religious values are unimportant, I just believe that this should not be used as an excuse for bad behaviour.
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When I was growing up and even now that I am older, I hated going to the market. Whenever I went, there were always men catcalling and attempting – and in a lot of cases, succeeding – to touch me inappropriately. Now, was that being done to my brother? No. This just goes to show how far thos notion of entitlement has seeped into the DNA of our people.
In leaving this country six years ago, I knew that these things were wrong but it had happened so much over the course of my life that it was all I had ever known the society around me to be. Then, I lived in a different society where the rules were completely different. Then, I realised that this is not normal. Does that mean that it does not happen in the Western countries? No. In fact, the news cycle in the last couple of months has shown that this happens very often. The difference is that these men are now being shamed for their actions and it is not being treated as ‘normal.’
I have only been back for a little over a month and I have already been spoken to inappropriately by men from all sorts of baackgrounds. I just finished my time at the NYSC orientation camp and while I was there, I had a lot of conversations about this issue with some young men and women.
For some people, when I started talking about this, they called me a feminist – which in their minds translated to men-hating. I am feminist but I do not hate men. I just believe that women should feel comfortable being whoever and whatever they want to be without anyone giving them grief. I believe that a woman who works hard should be rewarded for her hard work just as much as the man would be. I absolutely believe that women should not be touched or spoken to in an inappropriate manner that leaves them feeling sick and disgusted. This, in my opinion, is just common sense. Just as common sense dictates that stealing or lying is wrong, we should also know that we should respect the boundaries and spaces of other people witthout their consent.
How do we combat this problem in our society? I think we need to start educating ourselves on this issue and shaming those who commit these disgusting acts. I believe that we have to make victims comfortable in speaking out because our society has made it almost impossible for them to say anything. If they do, they are either blamed for the acts committed on them or they are told to shut up altogether. Our leaders need to take point on this because this is a real issue in our society and no one seems to be talking about it. It all starts from the top.
I would love to live in a society where women are treated with respect as human beings and for what we can offer. Let us start the conversation. Let us say NO! to sexual assault.
