Nigeria is God’s own comedy channel. At any downtime in Heaven, the lesser beings can always find The Bigman focusing His “Omnipresent Satellite Beam” or OSB on the Earth’s most populous black nation. An Archangel is dedicated to ripping His attention off His favorite channel, hence nothing gets done in many other demanding realms. The Nigerian Comedy Channel is perhaps, Edumare’s anti-depressant therapy.
From Diezanigate to Biafra to Dasukigate, to the Canaries in the rusty cages singing melodious tunes, to the incoherent buffoon presiding over the backsliding Ponmo-Republic, to the amnesiac thief refusing a Van-ride to the Police Station. Edumare by now ought to be rolling on the floor laughing; seeing as the immaculate thief in white safari suit nevertheless got bundled into the dedicated white Van. Who dash monkey banana?
There’s the one of the Nigerian Army using petulant adherents of an Islamic sect as mobile shooting targets- Chai! He’s rolling on the floor not because bullets are flying and black gowns became animated and sprinting for dear life- but for the foolishness of trying to die for Edumare’s “cause?”
Why waste bullets on some mere mortals sure to die at His discretion anyway? Chai, one more time!
The funniest this week is that of a clown with the ubiquitous wide-brimmed Fedora. The brand-new, delusional hero of the Nigerian democracy. The supposed “Holy-Grail” of profused dumb-asses. A dude with a rancourous support base. His hypnotised supporters believe he’s a shoo-in for the coming Nobel Peace Prize Award- a lifetime reward for his rare “humanitarian” spirit. “I shall remember to request for same award denied Jim Jones in 1978”. He thought in-between a confused, yet knowing smirk. That’s how much Edumare is getting carried away in the daily Naija Comedy routine. He has a familiar name, Edumare is now shaking his head at the ridiculous misfortune but comedic resourcefulness gifted to the man codenamed- Fortunato?
The Archangel by Edumare’s door at this time leaned over, he whispered in the softest voice imaginable, into the Big-Man’s ear- “Putin’s at it again, Edumare!”
Hard as He wanted to sit Putin’s issue out to conclude on the hilarity of Fortunato. Edumare knew He had to go! “I shall DVR the Nigerian Comedy”, I shall get back to it later. The Bigman grudgingly but silently agreed with his own decision.
Edumare was still chuckling at the irony, and the evergreen values of the comedic synergy of Goodluck as “Fortunato”.
The Archangel at the door could swear he heard Edumare mutter to Himself amidst belly-aching laughter, as he paraded his huge self noisily about his wide terrace – “Naija No Dey Carry Last!”
Haa! Who’s he to tell the Owner Of The Universe to slow down on the Naija Channel?! Who’s he to hint Edumare that with Naija: It’s usually One Day, One Palava!
