Nowadays, every Tom, Dick and Harry want to experience the magical feelings that comes with being in love. It isn’t out of place to find a teenager who is still grappling with the results of a failed WASSCE, claiming ‘My boyfriend loves me’.
I wouldn’t want to pose as a moral or philosophical police, who would dictate when and how people should love. Far from it. What really seems to strike my interest is the level of violence experienced by women in the hands of men who are not ready for the burden of civilised relationships.
Few weeks back, the whole of Nigeria’s blogosphere was agog in horror, following the release of a video showing an alleged male student battering and physically assaulting his girlfriend who attended the same school. She was nearly beaten to stupor. What seemed all the more annoying in the video was the very fact that the lady was seen crying and pleading for forgiveness from her assaulter.
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Some might, however, be quick to say she might have wronged him, hence the apologies after such beating. This sort of rationality for moralising crime against women seems to be gaining the upper hand in recent times. Just the other day, we heard about a traditional ruler who assaulted an innocent woman. The state government suspended the king following a swift investigation, until he tendered his apologies. We all watched with disgust how the assaulted wrote to the government to forgive him, because she didn’t want to be regarded as an outcast within the community for bringing shame to the royal throne.
The more we tend to rejoice over the progress we’ve made as a people, the disheartening we get, when men all in the disguise of love or marriage take moral laws into their hands by beating up women at the slightest provocation. What these misguided men fail to realise is that beating a woman doesn’t make you more of a man; rather, it is a silent display of a beast in manly clothing. It is, therefore, imperative to drive home this advice to our ladies, women and mostly the girl child.
Physical and sexual assault through rape and beating is not and would never be equal to the genuine expression of love.
Hence, a man who starts with a mild slap at the point of dating would graduate into making you a punching bag when you get married. Remember, our elders say, be mindful of the kind of drum being beaten before you decide to dance in the market square, lest you be called a mad fellow.
Awesu Jomo is a writer, feminist and lover of arts.
