“Tolu and Obi sat in the Counselor’s office wondering what they had done wrong in their marriage. Obi stared at his wife’s sad face, he had done everything he could do to make sure that she was happy but she never was; she always said that he did not love her enough. What exactly was wrong?”
Most of us can understand the entire Tolu and Obi dilemma. The 21st century is characterized by countless break-ups and divorces due to poor communication, even our platonic relationships are not spared from this trend.
Love is more of a choice than a feeling and since love is something we choose intentionally, we must put in conscious effort to make it work. This includes learning to tell our partners the way we feel about them in a way they can understand.
In 1992, Gary Chapman wrote a book titled The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. This book can be called the “holy grail” of relationships as it tries to help people understand what might be wrong with their relationships, it outlines five ways of expressing and experiencing love between partners.
To discover a person’s love language, you must take time to observe how they express love to people, what they complain about most often and what they usually request from their significant other. When you learn a person’s love language, it is very easy to please them.
Here are the five love languages…..
1. QUALITY TIME.
Ever been with someone who you have lavished with gifts and the person is still not satisfied because you are not always there?
If this is what your significant other is fond of saying, his/her love language is definitely quality time. A person who has this love language feels loved when their partner spends quality time with them.
These are ways to show love to a person with this love language.
- Schedule a date night at least once a week
- Pay surprise visits to your partner often
- Always send messages to them during the day.
- Spend long hours with them on the phone
- Go for annual vacations.
2. RECEIVING GIFTS
“Baby, I really do want a Benz!! My love language is receiving gifts”
This love language is the most misunderstood love language. A person who has this language is not really interested in the quality of the gift. A person who has this love language feels loved when you give them any form of gift because they are assured that you are always thinking of them.
Anyone that asks you for any gift that is outrageously expensive under the guise of having this love language is trying to blackmail you emotionally.
The gift could range from candies to even key holders. Here are things you can do for your partner if he/she has this love language.
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- Buy things for them whenever you go out (no matter how small)
- Gift them random things (beads, cowries, shells, paper)
- Give them things that represent what they stand for as a person.
- Whenever you can afford it, gift them expensive things.
3. WORDS OF AFFIRMATION.
“Baby, did you notice I have changed my hair” she said sulking
“Oh yes, I did”
“And you couldn’t comment on it?” she asked.
“And why should I?”
“I knew it, you don’t love me!”
People who have this love language feel loved when they are complimented or told sweet things about themselves. This set of people want you to notice everything going on with them and comment on it. Their motto is “Words speak louder than actions”. If your partner has this love language, you will have to learn how to use words to build up a person.
Here are things you can do if your partner has this love language.
- Always comment on their appearance.
- Tell them how much you love them often.
- leave hidden notes for them around the house.
- Send romantic text messages to them everyday.
- Always encourage them and remind them that they are the best.
- post sticky notes with inspirational and romantic quotes around their house.
4. ACTS OF SERVICE
“Actions speak louder than words”
Is this your partner’s favourite quote?, chances are that your partner’s love language is Acts of service. People with this love language want you to do things with or for them. They feel loved when you help them run an errand or do an house chore.
Here are things you can do if your partner has this love language.
- Do house chores with them
- Run errands for them
- Cook for them or serve them breakfast in bed
- Take out the trash (This is important!!)
5. PHYSICAL TOUCH.
” Babes, why don’t you hold my hands in public?”
“Nothing.”
“What do you mean by nothing?, are you not proud that I am your man?”
“Of course not!”
“Wait a minute, are you hiding me from your other boyfriends?”
If your partner has this love language, he or she loves being touched and feels insecure when you don’t touch them. A person who has this love languages hates it when you forget to give them a kiss or a hug before leaving the house.
Here are things you can do if your partner has this love language.
- Always hold their hands
- Never leave them without giving them a kiss or a hug
- Cuddle after sex (This is very important for a person with this love language. If you don’t do this, they feel used)
- Learn to kiss them in meaningful places (forehead, neck, cheek, mouth, palm, shoulder e.t.c)
Not knowing your partner’s love language could really be the source of unhappiness in your relationships. Now that you know your partner’s love language, love them in the way they are wired to be loved and watch your relationship blossom!
[Photo Credit: Pinterest]
